🍓 Frozen Raspberries And Existential Thoughts

Here I am, sitting on my bed alone, eating frozen raspberries and writing this article instead of living my life — going out with friends or, more specifically, going on a date like my mum probably wishes I were doing.

And yeah, believe me, all of that sounds fun. But in times like these, when your social battery is low, your bed feels like the place to be. So, as I’m sitting here comfortably, I decided to dedicate this article to talking about my love-hate relationship with relationships — and with men.

💋 Code Red – Talking To A Man

Growing up, I felt weird interacting with boys, and later, with men. I don’t really know how to describe it, but being around someone who catches my eye almost always makes me doubt my social skills. That probably explains why I’ve never been in a relationship before.

I act indifferent and cold around them, and my brain — which has gone into full code red — desperately tries to come up with something to say. We usually end up parting ways without even speaking..

And even when things go well and I start talking to a guy, once it starts hinting at a possible relationship, it’s code red all over again. I slowly cut off contact — not because I want to, but because something in me panics at the idea of being “locked in.”

✨ Freedom & Relationship Advice

The truth is, I do want a healthy relationship. But so far, the idea of one feels suffocating. I’ve always been really independent. I love spending time with my friends or by myself, exploring life and the world. And in my head, being in a relationship sometimes feels like a bird trapped in a cage. I know, I know — dramatic — but bear with me.

Also, I’m not the kind of girl who goes out with a different guy every week. Not shaming my baddies that do — we love a girl with options here 😉 — but that’s just not me. It’s not that I avoid relationships because I’m out here flirting with tons of people. It’s more that I worry I’d have to give up part of my freedom.

Another reason why I’ve been hesitant is because I’ve seen how some of my friends’ boyfriends treat them. I’ve seen girls who once felt so confident start questioning their worth because of the person they were with. And believe me, the lastthing I want is someone trying to lower my self-esteem and manipulate me into thinking I’m the problem.

I want someone kind, sweet, and intelligent. Someone who shares my interests and motivates me to reach my goals. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently, growing up in a generation where situationships and hookups have taken over, wanting a healthy relationship is a lot to ask for. But hey — that’s a rant for another article.

💌 Mom’s Questions & Fear Of Staying Alone

Despite all my fears and the emotional gymnastics my brain does whenever I talk to a guy, deep down I’m not completely against the idea of a relationship. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet — someone who makes me want to let him in.

But with time passing, and with more and more calls from my mum including the “So… is there anyone special?” question, and more of my girlfriends introducing me to their boyfriends, the idea of me staying single forever is getting louder in my head.

The truth is, I like to seem tough and independent, like I don’t need a boyfriend. And while that’s partially true, I don’t exactly want to end up as the old lady with seven cats either.

So yeah — hearing my family wonder why I’m still single can be overwhelming. And yes, I know I’m still young and I have so much time ahead to fall in love. But sometimes, not having experienced love yet can make you feel left out… or even unlovable.

Being in your 20s is confusing enough, and love only adds to that mess.

🤍 The Reminder You Might Need

So yeah — if you’re also single in your 20s and trying to figure it all out, just know you’re not alone. Being single doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or behind.

It just means you’re still becoming you — and that’s a journey worth taking.
The right person will come, and when they do, you’ll know. Until then, your life is still full, still meaningful, and entirely your own.

And that’s pretty powerful, too 🎀🍓